Author: Coach


Panthers 7 Leafs 1

Panthers stopped their recent skid with a 7-1 win in the west coast tilt. Not much else to say, as a methodical pace kept the whistles to a minimum.

Instant Reactions

  • POTG to Bon, becoming the first 40+ year old to win player of the game. He also became the first 40+ year old to score a goal, and extended his own record of being the oldest Panther to score a goal. No POTG Snack, as Dad Peterson forgot it. Sad!
  • Fast Drew had “car trouble” and Regular Drew had “Vacation”. Zero dedication. Not Good!
  • Stevie had a hat trick as he got the monkey off his back. Don’t believe what the fake news media tells you, his shoulders are the strongest shoulders that anyone has had, Ever.
  • Nicky B made his Panther debut with a goal and an assist, becoming the 6th Panther debut, and the 3rd to record a point in their debut. Very Big!
  • With one of the losses in the last few weeks, the Panthers locked up a playoff spot. The Panthers will work to keep Making the Panthers Great Again! #MPGA

Season finale next week vs. The Pub. 7:40PM at the BIP.


Panthers 7 Black Duck 3

The Panthers returned from their summer vacation to beat the Black Duck 7-3, in a wet game at the BIP. Literally, the ice never completely froze. But that didn’t stop Newy from freezing out the Ducks in the 2nd and 3rd, holding them to just the three goals in the first. Panthers came out sluggish again, going down 1-0, 2-1, and 3-2, before tying it to end the first.

The second was a bit of a different story, as the high flying Ducks ran out of gas and found themselves down 4-3. The Panthers withstood a barrage of head-high slap shots and half-hearted body checks by short guys in shoulder pads to return to their low speed breakouts through the neutral zone. This is where most of the game resided.

The third was a bit of a formality as both teams were out of gas, and really were just struggling to not burst into flames, as I’m pretty confident that the owner of the BIP turned the heat on in the middle of July. Strange move, but when you’re the Panthers, you have a target on your back and even the rink guy is trying to take you down.

Instant Reactions

  • POTG went to Dad Peterson. The player of the game snack was Watermelon Sour Patch Kids. Delish
  • Fast Drew played in the game, but nobody noticed, so he wrestled the smallest kid on their team (5’4″ if he’s lucky) after an exchange of slewfoots (wait what?)
  • The ref crew made an appearance on the scoresheet with 4 blocked shots and 6 blocked passes on the night, a season high
  • Newy checked in with a tape to tape pass to the other team at the bottom of the circle for his first assist of the year
  • Regular Drew got a really nice pass late in garbage for a tap-in to seal the victory for the Panthers. Just kidding, he wiffed completely
  • Almost all of the guys on the team who are Dads scored last night. Get it together Tater

Bring your galoshes to the rink next week, as the Panthers take on the first place Bulldogs in a battle of the regular season elites of the Tuesday Night Hockey League. 11:10PM at the BIP.


Panthers 10 Mahoney’s Leafs 6

Not much to say about this one. Panthers had an 8-1 lead at one point, and eventually held on to win 10-6 with an empty netter.

Instant Reactions

  • POTG went to Stevie with a hatty. The player of the game snack was Black Twinkies, which no one knew was a thing
  • Some kid wasn’t wearing his shouldies last night, or else the Panthers wouldn’t be skating across the middle without getting bundied. Exact quote
  • Mike B made his comeback last night and showed off his physical prowess by tackling shouldies’ guy and taking his team-high first penalty of the season
  • Peetie has two games in a row where he didn’t fall down. Personal Panther record for Peetie
  • Fast Drew missed the game, but nobody noticed
  • Tater ate 3 meals this week, which equals his 52-week high. Carbs are not the enemy Tater

Panthers face league newcomers the Bulldogs next week. 10PM at the BIP.


Panthers 7 Team Carter 3

The boys came to play as the Panthers downed the second place Team Carter 7-3. The first period had a lot of speed, but not many chances either way. Drew opened the scoring off a nice feed from Brad, but soon after, Carter would tie it 1-1. Phil would bury a chance off a nice play by Stevie, and Fast Drew would finish on a broken play by Drew. Carter would score one more before the end of the first to make it 3-2.

The second was a much tighter played period, with both teams battoning down the hatches. With the exception of a pair of missed breakaways by each team, there wasn’t much sustained zone time either way. The neutral zone was a god damned traffic jam. Carter would tie it 3-3, before Jay pickpocketed a d-man and slid it out front for Matty to bury. The second ended with the Panthers up 4-3.

The third began to get a bit more physical, with the Panthers beginning to turn the tides. An early goal from Stevie put the boys up 5-3, after Fast Drew was run over by a lineman who split the B gap to get a shot on the quarterback untouched by the o-line. Wait, what? Matty would seal the fate of the lost sons of President Jimmy Carter on a nice pass from Peetie, with another assist going to Drew. Matty would add an empty netter, after he battled through a slash that would have left a lesser man a broken stick and a broken heart. The only hearts broken on this evening were those of Carters everywhere (Nick Carter, Carter Camper, Carter Rowney, Anson Carter, Jimmy Carter, etc…)

Instant Reactions

  • POTG went to Matty with a hat trick on the night, the first of the Panthers season. The POTG snack this week was Haribo Sour Gummy Bears. Delicious
  • Panthers have played well defensively, still only letting up 3 goals per game. More impressive, is the offensive outburst this season, averaging 6 goals per game
  • Peetie didn’t even fall down this week. Huge progress
  • Duran missed the game due to illness (diarrhea). Could still be remnant of the Dominos pizza from a few weeks ago

Panthers look to trim Mahoney’s Hedges next week. 7:40PM at the BIP.


Panthers 7 Labatt Blues 4

Labatt Blues, widely considered the Smirnoff Ice of the north, were the Smirnoff Ices of the Tuesday Night League last night. After going down 1-0 early on a bad bounce, the Panthers would control most of the play but still end up being down at the end of 1, 3-2. Goals by Fast Drew and Jay kept the Panthers in it early. Lot’s of giggling by newly-appointed equipment manager Bon with his former players would cause some readiness issues with the Panthers in the first.

The second was a bit of a different story, as the Panthers scored 3 unanswered on goals by Drew, Stevie, and Matty in what would be the eventual game winner.

A goal early in the third gave the boys a bit of a panic, but soon after, a nice pass by Stevie ended up finding its way through a mess in front to Coach, who would find a way to get in the back of the cage. BNags would add an empty netter to make it 7-4.

Instant Reactions

  • POTG went to the Coach with 1G and 2A on the night. The POTG snack this week was an iced honey bun
  • 7 different players scored for the Panthers, in a well rounded team performance. This would be more impressive if there weren’t 23 guys on the team
  • Peetie did not get a concussion this week. Baby steps
  • BNags scored for the first time since the Berlin Wall came down
  • Panthers got new socks, and they looked damn good
  • Jury is still out on whether or not Duran’s baby and Tater have the same haircut
  • The official pizza of the Panthers is back to Pizza Days. Domino’s next-day shits have lead to this decision

Panthers meet perennial league power Team Carter next week, 7:40PM at the BIP.


Panthers 5 Black Duck 0

Some nights, certain line combinations have it. Other nights, all 3 lines have the feet moving, and dominate both ends. Tonight was one of those nights. The game started with an early strike less than a minute into the game, with a battle won in the corners by the first line of Coach-Jay-Stevie. The puck made its way to BNags at the point, who fired a well placed shot for a tip in the slot by the Silent Assassin. He was anything but silent on this night. That was BNags first point since the 2015 campaign, when he transitioned from power forward to D, a la big Dusty Buff. After a small lapse in defensive play, Newy would hold strong to keep the score 1-0 after 1.

The second period was where the Panthers really put on a clinic for their own bench on puck control in the offensive zone. Amassing roughly 11 minutes of O-Zone time in the middle frame, the Panthers would score 2 goals on plays coming out of the cycle in the corner, including Jay (2) and Drew. The Panthers also carried the play in the neutral zone, with the Dogpound™ keeping tight gaps, which would eventually lead to a fast break goal by the coach. 4-0 going into the third.

The third was just a barrage of shots by the Panthers, who again, carried the play in the Black Duck end for most of the third. Coach would score another to make it 5-0, but the real story was Jay, who had to serve a few minutes in the sin bin for a vicious hit on a Black Duck. Some were calling it a 50/50 puck, and others were calling Jay the second coming of Ulf Samuelsson. Either way, he’ll have to find time between recruiting calls to have a call with the department of player safety. They don’t call him the Silent Assassin for nothing.

Instant Reactions

  • POTG went to Newy with a 4 save shutout. The POTG snack this week was Airheads.
  • This might be the first game in Panther history where Philly didn’t record a point, since statistics have been kept. Elias Sports Bureau is researching.
  • Stevie, while not showing up in the goal column, had 3 points and a dominating performance from the left wing on the first line.
  • Tater was named Assistant Captain of the week, with a quality performance on the ice, and an even better one off. Kid ordered pizzas which showed up 10 minutes after the game ended. Savvy veteran move.

Panthers look to keep the train rolling next week against another league newcomer Labatt Blues. 8:50PM at the BIP.


Panthers 4 The Pub 3

At first glance, this one looked like the Panthers were going to control things handily. With The Pub rolling in an essential personnel only lineup, 7 guys almost was enough to put away the Panthers, who showed up with 22 guys, 2 goalies, several coaches and a scouting staff. The Panthers jumped out to an early lead with goals by Bon and Philly to give the boys a little breathing room at the end of one.

The second was a much different story, as the Pub battened down the hatches and turned out a solid two-way performance. A broken play at the side of the Pub net watched a puck find it’s way into the cage off of the Silent Assassin’s stick. The Panthers held on as a barrage of shots finished out the second, with Newy staying solid.

The third saw a defensive lapse in all aspects for the Panthers, as they held on for the first 3 minutes, and then let up 3 goals all in a little over 5 minutes of play to tie the game. The Panthers would stay strong, however, as some crafty veteran play kept the puck down in the Pub end for the next few minutes. A defensive disaster of a shift for the Pub saw Philly get the puck out to Stevie for, what would be, the eventual game winner.

Some Instant Reactions from the Game:

  • Bon went 0-1 in the dot bringing his faceoff percentage for the game to 0.00%
  • Stevie is under investigation by the FTC for colluding with the rink glass manufacturers. His shooting percentage for the season is ~2%, most of them high and wide
  • The Panthers are looking for a new equipment sponsor, mostly for jock straps. Half of the team had stolen during the 3rd period
  • Turtle Drew had one of the strangest moves ever, showing up with beer in a mint-scented trash bag. The league will be reviewing the situation to see if any rules were broken
  • Philly had a solid night, leading the Panthers with 3 points (1G,2A). He has resumed his usual spot at the top of the Panthers Stat Sheet.

Regular Season



  • Panthers are back at it next week, facing league newcomers Black Duck at 7:40PM

Panthers vs Black Duck


Panthers 4 Chiefs 3

First things first:

Congrats to the Red Army on a hard fought victory, 3-1, in the +30 League Finals. Bon scored the GWG with 1:21 to go to seal the victory for the Red Squad over Green, the heavy favorite. Also on the Army, Panthers Drew and Tater, held their own, as they held the Green squad to 1 goal. Congrats.

Now, onto 2017 Summer Hockey.

The Panthers, a decimated squad, without their starting goalie or a good chunk of their veterans, went into the game vs the Chiefs a bit shorthanded. However, call ups Ari (G), along with forwards Holmesy and Yano, came to play. The team also required the veteran presence of Larry Mo, who filled in on a decimated D-core.

The game started out with almost no offensive activity, as both teams came in with a very controlled attack, and much neutral zone play. Philthy lead off the scoring with a first period snipe to get the scoring going, answered quickly by the Chiefs. This is how the first would end.

The Panthers would add a second as Stevie scored in the second to give the Panthers a 2-1 lead. The second was a tight checking stanza, with the Panthers a bit on their heels during the first contest of the season. Ari, filling in the cage, held his own for the fan favorites. The Panthers would strike again as Yano buried a Duran pass to give the Panthers a 3-1 lead going into the third.

The third period began with a huge defensive lapse as Toczylowski buried to cut the lead to 3-2. On the next shift, a smart low play by Holmesy made its way to the Coach down low. A pass out front made its way to Jay for his first of the season to increase the lead to 4-2. Toczylowski would score another before the Panthers battened down the hatches for their first win of the season.

1-0. Bill’s Used Auto Parts and Cars next week, 11:10PM at the BIP.


Panthers 5 Bill’s Auto 1

The Tuesday Night League finals recorded a league record 16 fans in attendance, and the battle on the ice did not disappoint. A revamped 2016 Summer Panthers roster came with raised expectations, as the upgrades on offense payed dividends and the dogpound stayed strong on defense.
The game began with a furious pace as Buffalo Bill’s Auto came out of the gate flying in their 4th Tuesday Night League finals appearance. Some solid goaltending and backchecking kept both teams off the board for the first few minutes. The Silent Assassin, who had been silent on the scoreboard of late, made some noise in a big way on a PatMan rush down the ice. He finished off a broken play out front over the goalie’s head to give the Panthers a 1-0 lead. Two shifts later, Philly would continue to break his own playoff goal scoring record, notching his 4th of the postseason on a snipe from the top of the circle, 2-0 Panthers. Drew V also continued the first period onslaught, notching a five hole snipe on a pass from Fast Drew, one of three assists on the night for him. Panther finished out the period on a bit of a defensive stand, as Bill’s Garage kept the barrage of slappers coming.



The second period started out as a bit of a letdown offensively, with Auto taking the play to Newy’s end of the ice for the first half of the period. Once again, as he has during his entire four-year career, Philly picked up puck on a 3 on 2, and buried, giving the Panthers a much needed 4 goal cushion. Auto would keep the pedal to the floor and give the Panthers a real hard time in their own zone.


The third period started out with the Panthers carrying the play, but 3 untimely penalties gave the PK unit all it could handle. Then, as has been the case all playoffs, the Drew-Drew-Matty line showed their offensive prowess with a nice 3 on 2, finished with Matty going top shelf. That was the straw that broke the camels back, as a 5-1 lead took all the wind out of Bill’s Auto, Garage, and Repair. Honorary Panther Russ Noonan took a penalty late in the third breaking up Bon on a 3 on 1, from the bench. Questionable call, but the refs (including former Panther Phil B (RIP)) couldn’t let the game get out of hand.


Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I’ve even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we’ve witnessed here today!


Summer Panthers. 2016 Tuesday Night League Champions!